Talking about everything you don't care about
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I hadn’t been to Manchester’s The Ruby Lounge since catching Saul Williams as he brought Niggy Tardust our way in 2008. Back then I was there thanks to Williams’ brilliant work with the legendary Trent Reznor, while last night I was drawn by another collaboration between two fantastic artists – this time iconic film-maker David Lynch and seductive songstress Chrysta Bell.
The most hyped horror film of the year arrives this week to scare the living hell out of you. But can this latest instalment (Sequel? Remake? Reboot? – more on that later) of the infamous video nasty series live up to the high expectations?
There are two main directions that the excellent but emotionally devastating undead drama can take…
That “I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer” was a thing. And it is terrible to behold.
I also did not know that Saffron Burrows was still going after Deep Blue Sea, never mind that she was a lesbian with Fiona Shaw. Go figure…
Early on in Broken City, there’s an intensely erotic lovemaking scene between Marky Mark and a young Ray Liotta. Both are variously attempting to woo/kill Catherine Zeta-Jones for reasons that remain unclear, before all are attacked by creeping, Triffid-like stalks of bamboo that move forward when no-one’s looking… and that’s the point where I realised this was actually a dream I had last night, several weeks after seeing the movie proper. As further proof, Ray Liotta isn’t even in it. But Marky and Catherine are, so how does the theatrical release measure up to the fantastical, homohorror vision of my unconscious mind?
In this wonderfully bonkers new animated mash-up of The Matrix and Hello Kitty from Disney (but not Pixar), videogame villain Wreck-It Ralph aims for glory by “going Turbo” and vying to become a hero in his own right – not realising the mayhem this will cause. He’s not bad, he’s just programmed that way, but this hilarious and heartfelt film is anything but.
It may open with a charming (if a little bland) short animation before the main feature, but, to repeat myself, this is not a Pixar film. This is important, as it proves that Disney are once again on absolute top form in their own right and have created something to equal the very best from the creators of Toy Story et al…
Five years after being abandoned in a Cabin in The Woods, two young sisters are found by their uncle and his girlfriend and prepare to start over. The girls owe their survival to a mysterious entity they call Mama, but is Mama just a figment of their imagination? Of course she bloody isn’t, and she’s not too happy to have them taken from her, either…
Sly Stallone continues to tarnish the Silver Screen in the aptly titled Bullet to the Head, teaming up with Jason Momoa, Christian Slater and Sung Kang to underwhelmingly banal effect.
Here is a list of alternative things to do rather than watching Bullet to the Head:
Go see any other film currently showing at your local cinema. Chances are it will be better than Bullet to the Head.
Fondly remember Heathers, True Romance and Game of Thrones, or anything where the cast show some sort of acting ability (unlike Bullet to the Head).
Seek out a taste of Bulleit bourbon. It’s really rather not too bad….
After gaining something of a fearsome reputation following its VOD release last year, horror anthology V/H/S gets a low-key theatrical release, pushing the limits of the “found footage” format to the max. And don’t forget the sequels…
Tarantino is a Twat. Just in case you’ve forgotten this fact, check out the video below. But alongside being a twat, he has a habit of making damn good movies, and Django Unchained – his latest effort – is undoubtedly the best bloody Western in years…
